I saw you in my dream,

Walkin’ past with gleam;

Together we walked along,

In the rhythm of our song.

I saw me, I was happy!

To be with you is my bliss;

But in a wink, my ardent mirage!

Gone is you who holds my destiny.

I woke up from a dream,

A nightmare that crept the whole of me;

But just as I looked for you, I cried!

The dream I dreamed was the reality I exist.

- Maria Krissan Valencia Manikan

            It was the perfect time ever, so far. I finished the first year of the school, I am going to have a full-day treat for myself which i lost a year back, my family taps on my back and i am having a growing and an ever-deepening relationship with my boyfriend.

              He is such a wonderful person. He is the kindest of them all. He is the most patient and the most understanding person I have ever known. Whenever I think of him, I keep telling myself that, "He’s the one."

            We meet each other rarely. Sometimes once a week, and whenever there’s an event or a special day for us, we see twice or thrice a week. Our relationship has been a God-centered and a God-fearing relationship. I thank him for making me a ‘God-dy’ person; he once thought of entering the seminary but later on, he found me.

           We are very legal to each other’s parties. His family like me a lot, so as my own. Sometimes, it makes me think that he could propose to me anytime of the day because there’s no one to stop us, there’s no holding back. Our relationship is a fairytale; a story which you can only see in a book or the one you see in your TV set but this isn’t a dream, I can’t believe that my boyfriend Emman loves me in reality. A lot.

         One night, as we were watching on a film in a theater, he asked me, "Have you ever thought of us? Destined in the end? I mean, do you think you would marry me?" At that point, I am not ready to hear such questions. I just answered " Uhmm– Yes, Emman. I would certainly marry you. Wwhh-why not?" And I added, "But you know that I am not even prepared for now. I’m not in the right age." "Yeah, I know. And I am, likewise. I still do not have anything for you to offer, as of now. But promise me, That you will always be my girl..", he said as I was looking at him, teary-eyed.

        I really love that man, a lot. And he always lets me know that he loves me more than I do. It’s quite bothering and it wracks my conscience but I love him, I swear. Truly.

        And I hugged him. And said how much I loved him.

       One night, in our affiliation, I met someone who looked like my past. The past which was my first and had fallen in love. He also had these bushy brows, cute nose, chubby cheeks and a disposition like of my past |-ed|.

       He was quite, aloof, my Emman. He fears that I might fall in love with that new guy. And he gets angry whenever I try to tell stories about the new guy. Sometimes, I boast for the new guy. But I never loved that new guy. Probably, I was enticed; I just got happy that I met someone that looks like the person that I used to love. May haps, my adrenalin rushed a bit.

       I don’t want to fall in love with the new guy. I am glad to be with Emman’s arms.  He was there when I was in other’s company. He almost knelt down on his knees for me to come back.

       I don’t know what he sees in me. I don’t look that pretty. I am not physically perfect. I laugh so loud. I do not act as if I ain’t a girl. I used not to regularly go to church. I don’t know!!! I am his exact counterpoint, and yet he loves me.

        When you meet a man, like mine, hold on. Never give him away. Men like my man, is a handful in this world. I’m sticking to him and I hope whatever comes, my promise holds on.

As i delete our pictures, our moments, our everything tears fell. . i just loved the guy so much and i miss him so badly. . . ‘ I rehearsed my voice pieces while listening to U-Tube as I remember to log in my friendster account. Just like my typical days of opening it, some new friend requests and sort of some stuffs welcomed me. I went back on reminiscing my past with “the guy.” I logged out and tried to open his account (we used to share and open each other’s accounts) when the username and the password did not work. I tried until the nth time and decided to just search his account. I was so shocked when i saw it, he was not used in opening or updating his own, actually it was me who used to do it. Good Lord, he updated his profile. Then I read his profile, although how many times I deny it, and i’m still fucking inlove with that good-for-nothing, I got hurt. He says there, ” His hobbies include playing his instrument and texting a Lady, with a capital L.” Poor Me, My ex-boyfriend has fully fallen inlove with me ex-bestfriend and fallen out of love in me. There were some other things there which i did not include, maybe to ease a bit the pains that i am still sufferring this night. As i delete our pictures, our moments, our everything tears fell. . i just loved the guy so much and i miss him so badly. . . I decided to move on. . yes Krissan, you keep on telling and telling yourself that you would be moving on but nothing’s happening. Good thing, I have my family on my back, still supportive of me, no matter how hard life plays on me these days. And also good friends, who never let me down, who never ignored me in times of trouble, and welcomed me into their lives. Suddenly, i realized how sweet life really is and how much love God has still allotted to me. Sometimes, I think of giving up. I loved the guy so much. And I treasure what we had before, our friendship, not just ours, but with the other two ( the ‘other’ guy and the ‘i-don’t-wanna-remember-her anymore’ girl). We were bestfriends in the primary semester of the year and the worst of worsts in the end. I missed how much we share each other’s talks, laughs, pains, problems and answers in our assignments.

I don’t know if I’m insane, but i know other desperate people like me do this, as i write this petty blog, i listen to songs from my MP4 which are perfectly relative to what my situation is now.. Count ‘Ikaw Lamang’ by Silent Sanctuary, ‘Calling Your Name Again’ by Richard Carpenter, Heaven Knows by Rick price, to name a few.

************************************************************************************

. . . Final Words?! Atleast i did not steal nor hurt anybody. And If I did unknowingly the latter, well, it wasn’t my choice anyway.

Karma moves along, around the vicinity. Or maybe in Cebu.

fin

— MKVM

Grow Old With You

Billy idol (speaking):

good afternoon everyone. we’re flying at 26,000 feet,
Moving
Up to thirty thousand feet, and then we’ve got clear skies
All the way to las vegas, and right now we’re bringin you some in-flight
Entertainment. one of our first-class passengers would like to sing you a song
Inspired by one of our coach passenger, and since we let our first-class
Passengers do pretty much whatever they want, here he is.

Robbie hart (singing):
I wanna make you smile whenever you’re sad

Carry you around when your arthritis is bad
All i wanna do is grow old with you

I’ll get your medicine when your tummy aches
Build you a fire if the furnace breaks
Oh it could be so nice, growing old with you

I’ll miss you
I’ll kiss you
Give you my coat when you are cold

I’ll need you
I’ll feed you
Even let ya hold the remote control

So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink
Put you to bed if you’ve had too much to drink
I could be the man who grows old with you
I wanna grow old with you 

Westlife - I Wanna Grow Old With You

Another day
Without your smile
Another day just passes by
But now I know
How much it means
For you to stay
Right here with me

The time we spent apart will make our love grow stronger
But it hurt so bad I can’t take it any longer

I wanna grow old with you
I wanna die lying in your arms
I wanna grow old with you
I wanna be looking in your eyes
I wanna be there for you
Sharing everything you do
I wanna grow old with you

A thousand miles between us now
It causes me to wonder how
Our love tonight remains so strong
It makes our risk right all along

The time we spent apart will make our love grow stronger
But it hurt so bad I can’t take it any longer

I wanna grow old with you
I wanna die lying in your arms
I wanna grow old with you
I wanna be looking in your eyes
I wanna be there for you
Sharing everything you do
I wanna grow old with you

Things can come and go I know but
Baby I believe
Something’s burning strong between us
Makes it clear to me

I wanna grow old with you
I wanna die lying in your arms
I wanna grow old with you
I wanna be looking in your eyes
I wanna be there for you
Sharing everything you do
I wanna grow old with you

No Promises

Shayne Ward

Hey baby, when we are together, doing things that we love.
Every time you’re near I feel like I’m in heaven, feeling high
I don’t want to let go, girl.
I just need you to know girl.

I don’t wanna run away, baby you’re the one I need tonight,
No promises.
Baby, now I need to hold you tight, I just wanna die in your
arms

Here tonight

Hey baby, when we are together, doing things that we love.
Everytime you’re near I feel like I’m in heaven, feeling high
I don’t want to let go, girl.
I just need you you to know girl.

I don’t wanna run away, baby you’re the one I need tonight,
No promises.
Baby, now I need to hold you tight, I just wanna die in your
arms

I don’t want to run away, I want to stay forever, thru Time and
Time..
No promises

I don’t wanna run away, I don’t wanna be alone
No Promises
Baby, now I need to hold you tight, now and forever my love

No promises

I don’t wanna run away, baby you’re the one I need tonight,
No promises.
Baby, now I need to hold you tight, I just wanna die in your
arms

I don’t wanna run away, baby you’re the one I need tonight,
No promises.
Baby, now I need to hold you tight, I just wanna die in your
arms
Here tonight.

        i always wanted to see him;everyday of my life,i wanted to tell him how much i am an afficionado to him but i have to control.

         i feel comfortable whenever im with him…heaven is the term.how can i resist the power of this man- a man full of happiness and beauty- inside and out that made me change my life.

        since the day i met him, i felt so invigorated that this man specifically would make me realize how wonderful life is while i was on the verge of rocks. he made a stepping stone unto my life which made me feel a better person, he taught me how to value things that i don’t value anymore.

       this man is just a block away from me. a year ahead, but he’s always been a great confidante to me, he tells secrets, the truths, silly jokes and even the corniest and insensible thoughts i wished i dont want to hear anymore, realizing the fact that it’s all a part of it.

         those secrets that embedded in my mind had told me that he has his love, but i gain all the guts to ask him about those frightening things, which stabs me inside like a victim of love. (of course he isn’t the criminal, it’s the girl).

         i feel relieved that he doesn’t talk too much about his lovelife; actually, it is me which asks and asks that leads us to talking about my own harm.

          i am still looking forward for the future, although people around us know that i got this feeling for him, i don’t like him to know how much i really feel about him but probably, time will tell…

          * i wanna thank this site FRIENDSTER for building this blog. without it, i would forever keep it to myself, at least in here, i felt relieved..hehehe…

….and i love him.

                                                                                                                     - MKMS